Isn’t it amazing that when a new little life fills up your womb…it simultaneously fills up every inch of your heart as well? And that even before the evidence of an expanding waistband or butterfly kicks in your belly, that both parents can already be totally in love with the package inside? Two and a half months ago, Shawn and I found out that were expecting a second child, and more recently found out we were expecting twins. One week ago…we had a miscarriage.

We had allowed ourselves to be swallowed up with the sheer delight of these new ones that would be joining us. We saw ourselves holding them, feeding them, snuggling them, loving them. We gave into dreams of the sound of two extra sets of footsteps following behind Roanin, desperately trying to keep up with big brother. We argued about names…which would be the perfect fit? We let it sink in…let it become part of the backdrop of every thought…that these two would be ours, and indeed would be here in no time.

And so the process of going back through every thought, dream and indulgent moment that we have crafted over the last two and a half months begins. Each idea, vision and hope must be revisited and reconstructed in a way that matches our reality. And although it is intensely painful and heartbreaking…I would never change it. I have never once wished that we didn’t fully buy into the idea that we were expecting twins. I have never regretted telling friends and family…allowing them to squeal with us in joy and sob with us in sorrow. I love that Shawn and I were as sure about these two new children as we were with Roanin the day he entered our lives. Why would these be different? Despite their short time with us…they were ours. They are ours…and always will be.

Thank you to all of our friends and family for being so sensitive, caring and helpful in this difficult time. Your words, prayers, and deeds mean more than we will ever be able to express. One friend told me that Jesus said that we are blessed when we mourn, because only then can we truly experience His comfort. We are leaning on that comfort…and on the comfort of all of you. Thank you.