It's Mother's Day. I am only a couple of hours into the morning. Already, I was able to sleep in while Shawn got up with the little ones (who decided today was a great day to get up super-duper early). I snuck out the door while the boys were upstairs playing and went for a long, relaxing walk with my favorite dog while the sun came up. Now I am sitting with the largest coffee mug I own, filled to the brim, in a completely silent house while Shawn takes the boys out for the entire morning to give me the exact present I asked for this year: TIME.
Being a mom is so weird. Weird that it can simultaneously be the hardest and most enjoyable job in the entire world. The most rewarding and most frustrating. Weird that the days of motherhood often seem endlessly long, and yet the years are flying by faster than anything I have ever experienced. Weird that the moment you get into your groove as a mother, things completely change and you must find a new one. Weird that I find myself wanting to please the people I am currently working for more than anyone I have worked for before, but expect less feedback and praise than ever before. One hug or "your the best mommy ever" can last me longer than you would believe.
Motherhood can be very isolating and also can create an instant bond with others, of which I have experienced both. I feel like there are so many people trying to simply figure out the whole game of parenting, and yet there is an unspoken level of competition and judgement that exists among moms. Maybe it is because no one truly knows what they are doing that judging others makes them feel better about the job that they are doing. I know I have judged and have also been stung by judgement from others but currently find myself among such a supportive and encouraging group of people in which I am learning to be a better parent. It is so helpful to have other moms in my circle of friends to blow off steam with, listen to, laugh until we cry or cry until it is okay to laugh again.
These two little boys I spend my days with make me crazy. They make my heart feel like it is going to burst into a zillion pieces with how much I love them. They make me feel like I can't take one more second of bad behavior, but feel like life wouldn't be life without them testing my limits. Roanin is growing so fast he makes me want to snatch him up and hold him like a baby because I know I can't really do it anymore. Rexy makes me want to physically smoosh his little fat cheeks off with kisses and his little dimply bootie makes me adore cellulite. Roanin makes my heart soar when he reaches for my hand when we are walking anywhere. Rex makes me adore him even more when he refuses to hold my hand when we are walking anywhere. My favorite things to do are to feel my four year old's muscles at his request after he eats to see if they are any bigger and lift Rex onto my back for a piggy-back ride after he has tapped on my leg, pointed, and said "backpack."
I adore the ride that is motherhood. I wouldn't want to be any other place. There are parts of me that don't want to let go of this stage, and others that look forward to the next one with these guys. Any way you look at it...I am a lucky girl. Today is a happy mother's day after all.
So to all you mommies, I will pass along what my oldest proclaimed to me at breakfast this morning..."Happy Birthday Mother's Day!"
