Lessons Learned

 We have horses.  But they have been so much more to us than simple pets.  They have been a way of life. 

 These huge animals have taught all of us things.  Different things every day.  They have taught Shawn loyalty and friendship.  They have provided him with companionship for years, and without fail.  They are there...day after day, providing the same level of love and acceptance.  Expecting simply the same back.  I have seen this translate into how Shawn treats others.  It is such a blessing.  He has such a way with them, and they have such a way with him.  They respond to him like no one else in the world.  It is like they can see inside his heart, and know what kind of a man he is.  And in a similar way, he sees inside their big barrel chests and sees the golden treasure inside.  It is amazing to watch. 

 These horses have taught me so much about letting go.  I remember the first time I rode them...almost 14 years ago.  I was a giant stress ball...attempting to grip them into submission.  But that doesn't work with horses.  They are in control.  Always.  I mean, look at their size.  Of course they are in control.  But I still tried.  I tried my hardest to let them know I was in control.  I rocked the white knuckle grip for one reason.  I was scared.  Scared out of my mind.  But slowly, over the years, they have showed me that I don't have to be scared.  I don't have to try to control it all.  It all clicked one day when Shawn and I had taken the two horses on a long ride and came to a huge, rocky hill that was quite steep.  I was on Fatboy, and was completely freaked out at the thought of him and I making our way down this incredibly steep hill.  He does, after all, earn his name Fatboy, and isn't the most agile dude in the barn.  But Shawn encouraged me to loosen my grip on the reigns, and just let him do what he knows how to do.  And I did just that.  And it was incredible.  This giant animal gently maneuvered his way down this tiny little path lined with jagged rocks with the ease of a ballerina.  All with me (the complete control-freak-basket-case) on his back.  We made it.  OF COURSE we made it!  Just like with life...if I stress or if I don't...I will make it.  Letting go can sometimes not only be healthy, but be really fun.   

 And these boys, at such young ages, have learned so much as well.  They have learned responsibility.  They have learned to slow down (the hard way).  They have learned routine.  They have learned the importance of communicating without talking.  They have learned to trust.  They have learned the importance of being trustworthy.  They have learned how to carry feed buckets and fill water troughs.  They have learned what the horses need, and what they desperately need from the horses.  They have learned which side of the fence to leave little fingers on (the hard way).  It is breathtaking to watch.  To see your little kids changing into people who care about things outside themselves.  To see them care for others, for animals, is such a special experience.  And the best part is...they love it. 

 I love these guys.  I love Shawn for showing our family what this is all about and all the importance behind it.  I love my life.

And I don't even mind the smell of horse poop anymore.

Rex

 I have an unconventional little cowboy on my hands.  He may be mostly naked all the time, wearing Crocs or barefoot, and have an impressive little beer milk belly...but don't let him fool ya.  He is 100% pure cowboy and can hang with the best of them (Roanin).

 I cannot express how heart melting it is to see this little boy growing up while being shown how to do it by his big brother and daddy.  It. is. amazing. 

The House

Several weeks ago, I was looking at this, and it dawned on me recently that at this exact time in my life, I have the most amazing, wonderful and crazy group of friends.  Some are from a long time ago, some I have met recently.  But the thing is: they are good.  I mean, like unbelievably good.  Like, cheesecake good.  Like, the way you feel midway through your second glass of wine, good.  Like the sound of a baby's laugh, good.

The last few years have been a tad tumultuous and have been really scary and hurtful.  But through it all...I have been sheltered.  Without even realizing it, I have been licking my wounds and gaining my strength inside a house.  This house was constructed by my friends.  Sometimes one of them would add a new 2X4 or just a nail here or there.  Other times, several of them would team up to construct a whole wall.  But bit by bit, they built it for me.  It is beautiful and unique.  It looks like the tearful eyes of my besties, and it sounds like loud and obnoxious laughter of all of us late at night.  It smells like chips and guacamole, dark chocolate and red wine.  It feels like soft hugs, hair braids and the security of knowing someone is just a call or a text away.  I know I am so lucky to have this shelter...and even luckier that I have people willing to build it. 

I wanted to tell these girls how much they mean to me.  And so I planned an event to do just that.  I rented a cabin in the woods, invited them all to bring their pjs.  I brought wine, munchies and all the love I could put forth in order to tell them how special they were.  And you know what?  It was not only as good as I thought it was going to be.  It was better.  It was crazy-voodoo-unicorns-and-rainbows good.  It was 31 of the best hours I have spent with friends.  We talked.  We laughed.  We cried...oh my gosh did we cry.  We danced.  We ate.  We drank.  We slept a little.  We had access to kayaking, horseback riding, and canoes and we never left the front porch.  It was just that good. 

Meet the girls: 

There is only one word that can describe the relationship I have with Stephanie (top right), and that is sister.  There is not anything I couldn't share with Steph and nothing she hasn't shared with me.  The blade that is the sharpest always cuts the deepest...and we have cut each other many times.  Most have been silly and trivial.  Several have been significant and damaging.  But none have been detrimental to the bond between sisters.  So much has been small enough to be forgotten, and the rest has been forgiven.  When this girl loves, she doesn't mess around.  She is tireless in her devotion and always wants to help.  It is in her very fiber...it is who she is.  Big or small...that is not only what she wants to do, but what she needs to do.  The few times I have made an attempt at stopping her from helping me, she explained that she loved me, and that she needs to do things for people she loves.  She went on to sympathize with my feelings but let me know I would to get over them, because she had no plans of stopping.  And that is just what she has done for the 27 years I have known her -- she hasn't ever stopped.

Amy (top left blonde with ponytail) is the girl you wanna hate.  She is gorgeous.  She is a complete braniac.  She has perfect teeth, which are against the law white.  She is skinny.  She has perfectly straight blonde hair.  She is an ER doctor.  She has long legs.  She has 3 beautiful children.  She is married to a successful movie maker.  She is nice and always knows the right thing to say.  She had one heck of a gorgeous best friend.  Ahem. But the thing is...it is impossible to hate her.  It is impossible not to love her.  She is loyal and she believes the good in people.  She has always been there for me, and I know she always will.
One of the best things about Amy is that she makes just enough bad decisions to be fun as hell, but has enough limits that I would tryst her implicitly.  I have never felt scared when I was with Amy, even if I was doing the craziest thing in the world.  She knows how to walk that line better than anyone I know, and it is so fun to walk it with her.

Cortney is a very sneaky kind of friend.  You meet her, she seems nice enough.  You leave your first couple of playdates thinking she was cool.  But then surely and unmistakeably, this girl creeps into your world and becomes such a part that you can't imagine life without her.  Suddenly, and without warning, you are addicted to her.  The most amazing thing about Cortney is that she doesn't need to tell you how great she is.  She doesn't have to tell you a fabulous story, or make you laugh until you pee your pants.  She doesn't have to make sure you notice her.  It just happens.  Naturally.  She doesn't tell you the dozens of special mothery-kinds of things she does.  She doesn't talk about it, brag about it, or show off. She just does it.  If you spend any amount of time with Cort, you notice her true value on your own...which takes a really special person to pull off.

Kristina (hottie in the green top) is the gatekeeper of the insanely wonderful group of friends that exists here in Waco.  She is what starts it, and what keeps it going.  Although I thought I was the only one she took in and brought to the growing group, once I began hanging out and talking to everyone...I began to hear the same story from many of the girls.  Kristina had brought them in.  She befriended them, she included them.  She opened the gate without hesitation.  Kristina is the nicest person I know.  Or have ever known, for that matter.  And not sugar, syrupy annoying nice.  Just nice like I imagine God intended people to be.  Like, Kris was the only human that kept the heart and the spirit that God gave us, and everyone else has let theirs get tarnished and rusted and jaded.  I am so thankful that Kristina doesn't act like almost every other person in the world who just looks out for themselves.  She truly has a heart for others.  She cares about their happiness, even if it is hard or at her own expense.  She takes time to open the gate for everyone...and I am so thankful she did for me.

I have known Stephanie (above yellow and white striped shirt) the shortest amount of time of all my friends, but our bond formed more quickly than any other I have had in the past.  Stephanie is deep and has always been there anytime I needed to chat it out.  She forms deep relationships, and does it well.  Stephanie is, hands down, the best listener I have ever met.  She has a way of looking at you when you are talking that makes you feel like you are not only the only person she is paying attention to, but the only person that even matters.  In the moment.  In the room.  In the world.  Keep in mind she has demonstrated this ability amongst tons of children running a muck, three of them belonging to her and one of them being under the age of one.  The girl's got skills and I am beyond glad I have got her. 

Two of my girls couldn't make it for the big night...but they are no less special in my heart.  The first one is this beauty:

Michelle reminds me of a lightning bolt.  From the very instant you meet her, she is bright, intense, bigger than life.  Like something you have always heard exists, but you never really believed you would be lucky enough to encounter.  She commands all your attention simply by smiling and being herself.  She keeps your attention through the most real and honest conversation.  And her contagious laugh stays in your memory, causing you to plot the next time you can see her in order to hear it again.  And just like a bolt of lightning, this girl not only puts on a good show, but she leaves after-effects like you wouldn't believe.  She has made me a better person.  She has shown me how to and inspired me to be a better mother.  She has demonstrated how to be a better friend.  She models how to be a participant in a better marriage.  She knows how to be a better daughter and a better sister, and has shared her secrets with me.  In short, she changes your world.  I am beyond fortunate to have been struck by this bolt, and only hope it isn't true that lightning doesn't strike twice.

And then there is Ashlee, my sweet little Ashlee.  The thing about Ashlee is that she gets it.  She gets life.  She understands we are here for such a short time, and she lives her life that way.  She has not time for shallowness, for insincerity, for fear or for bitterness.  She lives life.  To the fullest.  Every day.  It is like she wakes up everyday and effortlessly finds a way to make it the best day possible.  She is real about her strengths, her weaknesses, and everything in between.  She lets all who get close see her for exactly who she is...which is incredibly comforting and inspiring.  She is also one of the most festive people I know.  She has a knack for turning any situation into the most fun adventure that you have ever been a part of.  I am inspired by her outlook and find myself wanting to emulate it.  Everyday I have had around Ashlee has been amazing, and I can't help but anxiously await my next one.

So...that is it in a VERY LONG AND OVERLY WORDY nutshell.  My girls.  The ones who all joined together to build me a house.  The house that was ready just in time when I needed it most.  And for that, I know I am the luckiest girl in the world. 

I love you girls!